How do we learn to create change and live more in alignment with opening up and feeling better? It starts with needing more awareness of how to shift our feelings, thoughts and actions. When we acknowledge wanting more our spiriutal body expands and is open for more connection with other aspects of ourselves mentally, emotionally (heart based) and spiritually. We need more love and compassion for all life on this planet. It begins with us, you, and me. There has been much suffering and mental distortion that has helped fuel and create things we want and things we do not want. Sometimes things happen by default due to how certain emotions take over as a dominant force and this could result in negative, unwanted experiences. I find that emotional intelligence is something that needs to be taught from when we are in our youth. If parents are not aware (because we don't know what we don't know) and the schools systems are certainly not teaching this - how do we create change for the better? Learning how to process thoughts and feelings is paramount to creating harmony in ones life. According to Psychology Today 'Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Emotional intelligence is generally said to include a few skills: namely emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own emotions when necessary and helping others to do the same'. This type of education is lacking, the ability to discern between thought and emotion and how to balance it all out without exploding into anger or acting in a childish way. This is most needed right now. When we want to work on ourselves to feel better this is where we need to realize that looking at personal responses and how we feel are paramount in creating change for the better. For ourselves, for our family and communities. We are in a timing on this planet to work on our personal stuff, hopefully many are on this path of self responsibility and realization. It is important to not bring the past into the present and to work through conflict and miscommunication with ourselves and with others. I personally believe it is important to address issues that arise within us as soon as we can. Now that is not to say that we spew feelings out without thinking through the best way to deliver it or express it. Rather is an internal process of thinking and feeling that can favour outcomes to solve issues. Also using discernment in thinking and communication is key here. Discernment can be broken down into gaining a perceptive or perception in the absence of judgments and with a view and goal to obtain a clearer understanding. This comes from the heart and soul - our own spiritual essence can and will guide us into some clarity and resolve for ourselves and others. All we need to do is listen and get out of our own way, ha! easier said than done when we are not aware we can change the way we think through personal accountability and problem solving. Personal situations and problem solving is an valuable skill for mental, emotional and spiriutal wellbeing. When an issue/problem, decision or disagreement is playing on your mind or in your heart, and you’re not sure how to approach it, the stress involved can really play on you in big way and most definitely shift your overall mood and demeanor for the worst. This is both in adult and children. Having the skills to resolve personal problems in a logical way that takes your needs into account can be a big help in managing these stressful situations and upgrade your emotions. One way is to use a technique known as ‘structured’ personal problem solving. Structured problem solving is more than a useful strategy that can be applied in a number of situations when dealing with conflict, anxiety, upset, stress or depressive feelings through disagreements in relationships, and trying to reach compromise or common ground or goals. Whether it’s a perceived potential loss of a job or relationship or coping with actual loss itself. Another is conflict, and uncertainty of how to handle things, or wondering if it can be resolved at all. And last but not least is difficulties with children and parenting. We are examples of behaviour to all children and youth…time to be what we wish and want to see in this world. Try some personal problem solving strategies, there are numerous ones to try, such as:
Make a connection between the difficulties you are experiencing and the emotional responses. Make notes and reflect upon them.
Become aware of resources that are available to you to help manage your problems - personal or professional. These can be with many different types of people or professionals. Family, friends, professional counsel and spiritual counsel and insight.
Learn a systematic approach to overcoming your difficulties and apply it.
Regaining a sense of control over problems is such an empowering process.
Develop skills to filter or harness further issues or problems in the future and teach all youth around you.
So what is a strategy to help cope and work through difficulty? Here is an easy 7 Step Process and Strategy to problem solve. Step 1 - Start with taking a deep breath and have faith you can work though anything. Did you know that deep breathing calms you down? It relieves stress and anxiety due to its physiological effect on the nervous system which in turn also reduces the amount of work your heart has to do to oxygenate your blood and so much more!
Step 2 - Clarifying the situation Spend some time noticing and acknowledging any symptoms of being disturbed, stressed, or feeling depressed that you may be experiencing or going through. Once you’ve identified your own emotions and experiences, take some time to reflect on what issues or problems are present. Make a list of them. Think about it and notice if there is a link between your emotional struggles and the issues you listed? Is it possible that these difficult feelings are an emotional response to the issue? If so, then it stands to reason that resolving these problems successfully may lead to improved mood, more harmony and overall wellbeing. Step 3 - Defining the issues Go back to your list of issues and spend some time clarifying them. Breaking large ones down into smaller, more manageable parts. Go through them one at a time. This is a powerful exercise of self responsibility and emotional control over one's demeanor. The important thing at this stage is not to try and solve them, but to make sure you’re starting off with a clear idea of what the problem or issues are all about. Step 4 - Brainstorm solutions List any ideas that come to mind, thinking of as many possible options as you can. Include ideas that seem unrealistic or unworkable right now. In other words, let your imagination and wisdom open up. Try not to evaluate these possibilities at this stage. Avoid saying to yourself, “that would never work" or "How can that work, I don’t see how that can work." Sometimes the best ideas or concepts seem unrealistic at first. Step 5 - Evaluating and discerning solutions In this step you are trying to work out what the advantages and disadvantages of each of your solutions are. Get two pieces of paper and title one side “Pros” and the other “Cons.” List all the positive and negative things about each of your ideas. If there is someone you feel good talking to about it, ask for any ideas they might have. Step 6 - Seeing or Feeling a preferred method Figure out which of the listed solutions (or which combination of solutions) is most workable for you, and is most likely to get the results you would like. Of your top solution so far, take a moment to consider the variables, and ask yourself the following questions with intention to find solutions…
What is the best possible outcome if I implement this solution or do this?
What is the worst possible outcome?
What is your preferred or desired outcome regardless of what you think at that moment?
All things considered, what is the most likely outcome?
Then, of course, try to go with the solution that has the most appealing most likely outcome. Then try and try again. Step 7 - Developing a plan of action Start with setting an intention to be successful Intention is the starting point of every desire. It is the creative spiritual power that fulfills all of our needs, for more and better, for solving issues with relationships or life situations or for a spiritual awakening and more love. Everything that happens in the universe begins with intention. An intention is a directed impulse of consciousness that contains the seed form of that which you aim to create. We are creators and our thoughts have energetic force! Once you’re established in a state of restful awareness with your breath, release your intentions and desires. The best time to plant your intentions is during the period after meditation or contemplation. Take a deep breath and connect with your heart. After you set an intention, let it go—simply stop thinking about it. This process is a powerful one and it is using your spiritual embodiment. Continue this process for a few minutes each day. Here we plan out what implementing the solution will look like. The first thing to do here may involve breaking down the solution into a series of small steps. Think of the very first thing you would need to do to get the ball rolling — something you can do today, or tomorrow. It might be something like, “Carefully map out what you want to communicate to that person,” or “Update the resume", or write down how to organize tasks to get things done. This starts step 1 of your plan to solve issues. Then come up with the next steps you will need to take, the sequence of tasks that will be necessary, one by one. You can use a 'list format' or a 'mind map' process and create time in your day to do it. You are creating specific goals – goals that are to be achieved in the short term (such as within the next week), the mid term (the next month), and over the longer term. Achieving smaller goals early will help to inspire hope, faith and clear motivation, and this will lead to developing a sense of momentum and achievement. Hope this helps you in helping yourself and others. Namaste :)